Growing up, she was my person. We had a bond that went beyond words and it is something I will treasure forever. Sunday 8th October marked the eight year anniversary of her passing, and the following day, my Masters research article was published - it was inspired by her; Nanma.
To be honest, this year has been so chaotic that I hadn't even joined the dots about the dates. However, I had woken up on Saturday morning after having dreams about her, which is where she usually visits me. Upon reflection, I think it confirms to me how closely connected the mind-body link actually is; I hadn't consciously clicked, but it felt like my body remembered.
Nanma's wish was to be at home in her satin sheets when she passed - something my mother and I worked really hard to give her. We teamed up with a few professional caregivers to make sure she had someone with her 24/7. Watching her, my best friend, deteriorate before me was heart-breaking, but there was nowhere else I would have rather been. One of my proudest moments is being there when she took her final breaths. I was kissing her forehead while my mum was reassuring her as she slipped away - in her satin sheets at home.
It felt like months before I started to feel like myself again. The whole experience was so taxing on so many levels that I'd naively never expected. I understand I obviously had a significant personal connection to Nanma, but it made me wonder how people work in end-of-life care and it was that wondering that I used to delve into for my Masters research.
I had started my Masters of Applied Social Work through Massey University in 2014 and decided somewhere along the way that it wasn't for me - I'd never wanted to be a social worker anyway,
and being around for Nanma was the perfect out for me. It was an on-off relationship, that degree and I. I signed back up in 2016 and did a little more before another wee break to have my second child. I was doing this research when I was pregnant with him. I remember being 36+
weeks pregnant, completing my interviews over the phone because I was worried I could go into early labour. It wasn't until he was a little older that I finally finished piecing all of the puzzle pieces together and completed my Masters at the end of 2019. I know she would've loved to have seen me graduate as she was always quietly (and sometimes not so quietly) cheering me on from the side lines. I'm also glad I persisted with social work - the world needs more of them!
So, really this post is to highlight how significant this research is to me. It is one of the ways I honour this amazing woman, keep her memory alive, and give my experience with her even more meaning. A dedication to my best friend, my cheerleader, my early morning phone catcher upper, my protector, my first son's birthday buddy, my second son's name sharer, my grandmother - my Nanma.
To access my research article:
Patricia Dawn Carter - 16.08.1933-08.10.2015